A Cart Full of Sadness
Forget taxes; Iraq passé.
The most important problem in America today? Forlorn shopping carts!
At least that the feeling at the US Census Bureau,
We’ve all seen them and wondered how they got there — a supermarket shopping cart, sitting forlornly along a residential street, far from the nearest grocery store. Was it a prank, or someone who walked to the store and bought more than they could carry? Either way, this is Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month — including milk crates and bread trays. The idea is for consumers to avoid the increased food prices that result when store owners have to replace stolen equipment. And supermarkets play a big role in everyday life. There are more than 6,600 supermarkets across the nation, selling $395 billion of groceries each year. You can find these and more facts about America from the U.S. Census Bureau on the Web at www.census.gov. [my emphasis, WTF! Who thinks these things up?]
So forget all those trickle down theories we learned during Reagonmics. Forget taxbreaks for the rich. All problems will be solved in America by returning those kidnapped shopping carts to the stores that sooo miss them.
Just to help this cause, I would recommend a Pixar film featuring a shopping cart forlornly trying to return to it’s home – the great Wal-Mart in the sky. Forlorn Shopping Cart would have to avoid cart enslaving homeless and thrill seeking drunken teenagers. It’s quest would be aided by a brave menu and a hotel towel. I am shedding tears as I type this.
Then you create something like an Amber alert system for missing shopping carts. APBs and cable news tickers.
Of course, simply adding a coin deposit lock to the shopping cart so people bring them back would be too
Nazi anal retentive clever?
Stupid Europeans. Just don’t understand this American liberty thing.
(Hat Tip: Wonkette)