To The Dearly Departed Vlad Shelley

*Sniff, sob* She is gone. Perhaps never to return.

Yes. Ms. Dr. (Former) Rep. Shelley ‘DraculaCunt’ Sekula-Gibbs has completed her onerous term month in the honored office of Congressional representative for Houston’s 22nd district . Both the Houston Chronicle and Wonkette join me in mourning her departure. This eulogy from Wonkette,

Now that the 109th Congress is finally over (having ended with a big, stabby bang) we are forced to confront the sad fact that we’ll never again see Make-Believe Congresswoman Shelley Sekula-Gibbs on C-Span, where she has made a little home for herself over this last month, babbling at odd hours to an empty chamber on topics ranging from abortions to the first lady of Azerbaijan.

But the Houston Chronicle, staffed by Texans no doubt, is made of sterner stuff. They do not look at a bleak post Holiday/Christmas/Hanukah/Kwanza time of Democratic congressional chaos. No. They look to the joys, the honor, the C-Span reruns brought to the fighting 22nd district by Ms. Dr. (Former) Rep. Shelley ‘DraculaCunt’ Sekula-Gibbs.

Beside casting one of the 367 votes in favor of a tax bill that would, among other things, extend the sales-tax deduction on itemized federal income tax returns for Texans and residents of six other states, Sekula-Gibbs leaves a legacy mainly of C-SPAN video.

“District 22 had been without a representative for many months and it was important to have a voice on the floor of the House of Representatives again,” she said.

She indeed held forth on Medicare and immigration (a subject that eluded agreement by Congress) but didn’t confine herself to the major issues of the day. Among her other topics:

  • A welcome to the first lady of Azerbaijan during her visit to Washington.
  • Giving nonprofit athletic organizations immunity from being sued.
  • Declaring the first week in April “Plan Ahead with an Advance Directive Week.”
  • Requiring abortion providers to give women the option of receiving anesthesia for the fetus.

Almost forgotten the sad times. Forgotten those horrific periods of disloyalty when the former DeLay staffers resigned en mass because she allegedly ‘mishandled them.’ I mean, how could they tell the difference to Tom ‘The Hammer’ Delay? I didn’t see any news stories about impalings. (Weak kneed snivelling scoundrels!)

But the bad blood is behind us – on to the future.

Ms. Dr. (Former) Rep. Shelley ‘DraculaCunt’ Sekula-Gibbs – I beg you. Do not despair. Your victims constituents love you. You must return. I mean, this time you might even get your name PRINTED on the ballet. Oh joy. Oh rapturous electoral ecstasy. I bid you not goodbye – but adieu. Until 2008.

I’ll keep the stake warm for you.

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