Wonkette’s Favorite Skinner

The writers at Wonkette.com, after briefly falling into a post-Katherine Harris depression, have found a new heroine. Sadly her days are numbered as well. The new object of Wonkette’s devotion is named Shelley Sekula-Gibbs and is the temporary replacement representative for the Hammer Tom DeLay’s old stomping grounds, Houston’s fightin’ 22nd district.

You see, after losing a hard fought campaign to garner the write-in vote,  Ms Sekula-Gibbs will only serve until January. Nevertheless Ms Sekula-Gibbs has, in her short national career, managed to make quite a splash. Just not a particularly flattering one.

Ms Sekula-Gibbs was a Houston city councilperson who made no secret of her willingness to serve lead the public. Although her initial claim to fame was being the widow of a local TV-anchorman, she soon made a spot for herself in local government. You see Ms or rather Ms Dr. (M.D. - Dermatologist, the kind of doctor you see on T.V. all the time as she never tired of saying) Sekula-Gibbs, had an opinion and a speech for everything.

Wonkette was amused by the fact that the entire remaining DeLay staff walked out on Ms Dr Sekula-Gibbs (I somehow find typing that to be rather satisfying) after some vocal malheur. Apparently this had to do with insisting both V.P Cheney and G.W. Bush attend her swearing in. (How do you rewrite that sentence to avoid a dangling preposition wonders the grammar teacher in my head?)

Rather miffed by this, Ms Dr Rep Sekula-Gibbs then demanded an investigation of those traitors to the Republican agenda. Quoting the Wonkette version,

The lame duck Representative from Texas suffered the indignity of having Tom DeLay’s staff walk out on her during her office’s open house. Why? Because she was “mean.”

Or, according to Shelley, because they’re… wait, what the hell is she talking about?

The turmoil in newly elected Rep. Shelley Sekula-Gibbs’ office deepened Thursday with the Houston Republican demanding a congressional investigation of aides who quit in a mass walkout earlier this week.

Sekula-Gibbs said the staffers, holdovers from her predecessor Tom DeLay, deleted records from the office’s computers Monday, the day before seven of them resigned in apparent protest of their treatment.

OMG! They were destroying records and sabotaging the office… in accordance with House rules dictating that computers be wiped clean before a new Rep takes over.

But Wonkette can only bask in the glow of this woman’s glory until the end of the year when her term of leadership, so sorely needed by Intertube pundits, will end. And this simply because not enough Houston voters chose to write in the name of their candidate. Of course it wasn’t for lack of trying. According to the Houston Press, despite aggressive and lyrical campaigning and difficult voting machines, those voters who chose to try to elect the republican belle-du-jour didn’t always manage to spell her name right.

Voters cast their write-in ballots for, among others: Kelly Segula Gibbs, Snelly Gibbr, Schikulla Gibbs, Sheila Gibbs, Shelly Schulla Gibbs, Shelly Gibkula and, by someone who obviously never wanted the joy of using the machine to end, ShelleySkulaGibbsssss.

The name “Sekula” was spelled as Sektula, Sukla, Sequila, Sedoko and Sedoka (by puzzle fans?), Meklua, Sekluda and Shecola.

One voter couldn’t be bothered, just putting in SSG. (It counted.) Another, for some reason, entered Sekula Smith.

Another voter entered “Shelle Sekula Fibbs,” which might have been a hidden political message. Not so hidden, but counted as a vote just the same, was “Shelly DraculaCunt Gibs.” (We like to imagine the bipartisan discussion on that entry: “Well, they misspelled the first and last name, but that’s definitely a Shelley vote.”)

Ms Dr Rep ‘DraculaCunt’ Sekula-Gibbs, I for one will miss you. But as they say, those flames that burn the brightest burn the shortest, gone in a moth-like poof of sparkles. At least you will be able to return to Houston knowing you have defended the honor of Texas as only you know how. Perhaps you should consider a presidential bid.

After all, there is more than one way to skin a cat. Especially for a dermatologist.

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1 comment so far

  1. Teresa on

    Ben,

    God this was funny (mostly because it didn’t happen in my state). Thanks for a morning laugh.


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